It was about 9:20 in the morning and I had just sent my class of kindergartners out to the first recess of the day. I headed to the HR office of the little Christian school where I worked. I sat down and as the manager looked at me from across her desk, she simply asked, “What’s up?” My response was anything but simple. 

I burst into a hysterical crying episode. It was one of those ugly cries with hyperventilating and a need for lots and lots of tissues. I caught my breath, and managed to squeak out a few words. “I'm. Getting. A. Divorce.” The tears came back. The hyperventilating and uncontrolled shaking came back. At that moment, I just wanted to hide underneath her desk and never come out again. 

She looked at me and said, “Thank God.”  

“Thank God?” I asked. “Are you crazy? Is that your typical response to divorce?” 

She looked at me and smiled. “No, but you are so upset. I thought the cancer was back. You’re fine, Sharon. You're not gonna die from a divorce. You’re gonna be fine.”

At that moment, I was not fine. I was anything but fine. I was ashamed and embarrassed and terrified. Christians were not supposed to get divorced. I was not supposed to get divorced. I’d just beaten cancer and was supposed to be celebrating new life with my family.  I was not supposed to be talking with divorce attorneys or explaining to my kids that their parents' twenty-five year marriage was irreparably damaged and ending.

But, in that very moment, God used my friend to remind me of His great love for me. He spoke to me through her words, “You’re gonna be fine,” and began a great and beautiful healing in my very broken heart.

Since that day in 2020, I have learned so much about myself, my faith, and the amazing love of God that draws us closer to him in the moments when we’re afraid of condemnation and judgment. God has shown me the peace that can be found in the tension that exists between the pain of divorce and the great hope of healing. 

My journey has been exciting and terrifying, emotional and in many ways painful and unwelcome. But in my waiting, I’ve experienced God’s love, protection, and provision in countless unexpected ways. I’ve learned to step towards it and trust it–even when, in the midst of chaos, I couldn’t see it.

This Advent season, I think of the Magi. They waited for a sign of the birth of a King and excitedly followed the star. Their journey brought the real threat of death and the equally real protection of God. If they had not set out on the journey, or faced the dangers, they would never have experienced God’s protection. 

My friend was right; as much as I really wanted to die, I didn’t and I haven’t. I’m still here and know that I am going to be fine. My heart will never be the same, my family will never be the same, but what God is building is beautiful and exciting. I don’t know how it’s all going to end and many parts of it are still a terrible mess, but I am hopeful and excited to see what God will do next!

Sharon Fadale is a lover of all things Christmas! One of her favorite things is walking or driving around the neighborhood seeing all the lights and decorated homes. Seeing those lights even makes coming home late from school on a cold winter evening far more tolerable. When it comes to traditions, she’s starting many new ones lately and is open to suggestions! She’s started an annual cookie baking day and is enjoying reconnecting with friends before the rush of the holidays. Even with the colder winter days, her favorite place to connect with God is at the beach. Anyone know how to make a sand snowman?