What to Expect When You’re Expecting
Written By Kelcy Messick
For God alone my soul waits in silence; from Him comes my salvation.
Psalm 62:1
I love Christmas. I love the lights. I love the parties. I love the ritual of meditating on Christ's coming. Advent 2018 was a special one. I was pregnant with my first baby. I thought a lot about Mary and where her heart was as she wondered about the miracle happening in her. I thanked God every day for letting me share in creation.
I was full of hope and expectations for the baby. To prepare, I ate all the right things, did all the squats, and took all the classes. I went into labor and delivery with a plan, and I got the birth story I wanted.
That’s about the last thing that went as I expected in motherhood.
From day one, there were challenges with breastfeeding and getting the baby to gain weight. Then COVID came, taking away all our community and any hope of a date night. There was potty training and tantrums (sometimes his and sometimes mine). Then, a second baby arrived who was totally different from the first and woke up every two hours every night for a year. Plus, the added bonus of postpartum anxiety and new limitations on my body from the trauma of childbirth.
In my limited free time, I opened up books or scrolled blogs to find answers for my woes. I wanted solutions. I needed a plan. Give me a plan and I will get results. Dave Ramsey, Marie Kondo, y’all are my people. But, what happens when you follow the plan and you don’t get results? Because the thing you are trying to master is not a project, but a person. A person with his own thoughts, feelings, and desires.
On my worst days, I found myself at the bottom of a bag of chips, frustrated over my motherhood issues. Other times, I picked up the phone and called a friend or mentor, giving them the opportunity to speak God’s kindness to me and share inspiration. And when I needed divine intervention, I bent down on my knees humbly coming to God in prayer for peace and comfort.
“God, I am not in control of this area of my children’s lives. I believe you exist and that you have good things for them. I put my children in your hands, trusting that is the safest place they can ever be. I surrender my will and expectations for them Show me how to parent in this situation.”
When I surrender, I can expect this: Christ comes. Christ changes things. What changes first is usually me and my attitudes. If you have one expectation this Christmas, let it be Christ is coming.
I was full of hope and expectations for the baby. To prepare, I ate all the right things, did all the squats, and took all the classes. I went into labor and delivery with a plan, and I got the birth story I wanted.
That’s about the last thing that went as I expected in motherhood.
From day one, there were challenges with breastfeeding and getting the baby to gain weight. Then COVID came, taking away all our community and any hope of a date night. There was potty training and tantrums (sometimes his and sometimes mine). Then, a second baby arrived who was totally different from the first and woke up every two hours every night for a year. Plus, the added bonus of postpartum anxiety and new limitations on my body from the trauma of childbirth.
In my limited free time, I opened up books or scrolled blogs to find answers for my woes. I wanted solutions. I needed a plan. Give me a plan and I will get results. Dave Ramsey, Marie Kondo, y’all are my people. But, what happens when you follow the plan and you don’t get results? Because the thing you are trying to master is not a project, but a person. A person with his own thoughts, feelings, and desires.
On my worst days, I found myself at the bottom of a bag of chips, frustrated over my motherhood issues. Other times, I picked up the phone and called a friend or mentor, giving them the opportunity to speak God’s kindness to me and share inspiration. And when I needed divine intervention, I bent down on my knees humbly coming to God in prayer for peace and comfort.
“God, I am not in control of this area of my children’s lives. I believe you exist and that you have good things for them. I put my children in your hands, trusting that is the safest place they can ever be. I surrender my will and expectations for them Show me how to parent in this situation.”
When I surrender, I can expect this: Christ comes. Christ changes things. What changes first is usually me and my attitudes. If you have one expectation this Christmas, let it be Christ is coming.
Reflective Question
for the Day
Are you frustrated over something in your life you are trying to control? Big or little?
I invite you to try this prayer.
God, I am not in control of _________________.
I believe you exist, you care about _______________ and want to help me.
I surrender my will and life to you.
Amen.
Kelcy Messick never sets an alarm but wakes up before the sun to the sound of little feet on hardwood floors. Her favorite childhood holiday movie is I’ll Be Home for Christmas with nineties heartthrob, Jonathon Taylor Thomas. When she’s not with her boys you will probably find her taking a yoga class, walking on the Esplanade, or inviting herself over to a friend’s house for a spontaneous girls' night.