I Do
Written By Susan Johnson
And in that day, declares the LORD, you will call me ‘My Husband’....And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord.
Hosea 2:16a, 19-20
Of all the spiritual gifts the Bible offers, singleness is not a “gift” I’ve ever wanted. And yet here I am, a single woman. In my forties, I grew frustrated with dating and not finding a life partner. I couldn’t shake the desire for marriage, despite praying about it relentlessly and hoping things would change. I was confused and unsure if God was interested in responding to my prayers.
During this time, I enrolled in seminary, where I learned about centering prayer. This practice helped me focus on God’s presence. Like diving under an oncoming wave at the beach, I used a chosen word (e.g. “Jesus” or “loving Father”) to metaphorically dive under my thoughts and let them pass over me so I could refocus on just being with God.
One seminary assignment was to sit in centering prayer for thirty minutes a day for four weeks. Daunted, I set my alarm to get up thirty minutes earlier than normal. I sat in a chair, awake but eyes closed, waiting. What was supposed to happen? Was I doing this right? Dutifully, I kept at it. Some days, I fell asleep. Some days, I went through the motions and wanted to give up. Some days, I felt a comforting peace.
One morning during the final week, I had a thought: Hosea 2. I used my chosen word to put the thought away and dive under it. The thought came again: Hosea 2. This seemed strange: I knew the general story of the prophet Hosea and his wayward wife, Gomer, but I had never read the biblical book. Hosea 2 came again. Stunned, I opened my Bible, searched for Hosea, and read the chapter. I started to cry.
What I read grabbed me. The chapter was evidence that God heard my prayers about my singleness. He wanted to meet the need I had been hoping to satisfy with marriage by letting me know of His pursuing love for me, just like God’s passion for the Israelites in Hosea’s time.
The truth was that God was pursuing me, wanting me to find my answer in Him. He wasn’t ignoring my prayers, withholding something from me, or waiting until I was “good enough” to give it to me. We do not have to earn God’s love because it has already been purchased by Jesus’ death and resurrection.
He knew (more than I did) that what I really longed for could be found in Him. I wanted someone to see me, know me, provide for me, companion me, comfort me, speak tenderly to me, love me–and I wanted to offer the same to another. God wanted to be all that for me and invited me to offer Him my love and devotion.
To remember the moment, I bought a ring and had Hosea 2:19-20 engraved on the inside. Looking back, I think being still and expectantly waiting on the Lord those four weeks helped me be open to the answer He had written in the book of Hosea: He is pursuing each of us in love.
We just need to turn to Him and say, “Yes, Lord.” Or, “I do.”
During this time, I enrolled in seminary, where I learned about centering prayer. This practice helped me focus on God’s presence. Like diving under an oncoming wave at the beach, I used a chosen word (e.g. “Jesus” or “loving Father”) to metaphorically dive under my thoughts and let them pass over me so I could refocus on just being with God.
One seminary assignment was to sit in centering prayer for thirty minutes a day for four weeks. Daunted, I set my alarm to get up thirty minutes earlier than normal. I sat in a chair, awake but eyes closed, waiting. What was supposed to happen? Was I doing this right? Dutifully, I kept at it. Some days, I fell asleep. Some days, I went through the motions and wanted to give up. Some days, I felt a comforting peace.
One morning during the final week, I had a thought: Hosea 2. I used my chosen word to put the thought away and dive under it. The thought came again: Hosea 2. This seemed strange: I knew the general story of the prophet Hosea and his wayward wife, Gomer, but I had never read the biblical book. Hosea 2 came again. Stunned, I opened my Bible, searched for Hosea, and read the chapter. I started to cry.
What I read grabbed me. The chapter was evidence that God heard my prayers about my singleness. He wanted to meet the need I had been hoping to satisfy with marriage by letting me know of His pursuing love for me, just like God’s passion for the Israelites in Hosea’s time.
The truth was that God was pursuing me, wanting me to find my answer in Him. He wasn’t ignoring my prayers, withholding something from me, or waiting until I was “good enough” to give it to me. We do not have to earn God’s love because it has already been purchased by Jesus’ death and resurrection.
He knew (more than I did) that what I really longed for could be found in Him. I wanted someone to see me, know me, provide for me, companion me, comfort me, speak tenderly to me, love me–and I wanted to offer the same to another. God wanted to be all that for me and invited me to offer Him my love and devotion.
To remember the moment, I bought a ring and had Hosea 2:19-20 engraved on the inside. Looking back, I think being still and expectantly waiting on the Lord those four weeks helped me be open to the answer He had written in the book of Hosea: He is pursuing each of us in love.
We just need to turn to Him and say, “Yes, Lord.” Or, “I do.”
Reflective Question
for the Day
Have you, like me, been frustrated that your desire is still unmet?
If yes, how has your frustration impacted your perception of God?
What can you do to open your heart
to believe your desires can be satisfied in Him?
At Christmas, Susan enjoys baking at least one apple pie from her Grandma Alice’s recipe, and making several batches of toffee candy to share with family, friends, and neighbors. Her favorite Christmas carol is “O Holy Night” because of this one line: “Long lay the world in sin and error pining, ‘til He appeared and the soul felt its worth.” She loves to sing to the radio in the car, belting it out like she’s one of Toby Mac’s backup singers. Her favorite clothing item is any pair of jeans with a super long inseam: 34” or longer, please!